Smoke and Ashes
by xXUsEdXx
Summary: "I wanted to stay. I wanted to know him." With lost memories and lost words, Damara never expected a Titan to save her life-nor did she expect it to push her in the direction of her destiny.
1. First Sight

_So. I am trying my hand on an Attack on Titan fanfic. Because I borrowed the DVD from my local library and I was completely drawn in._

_I have a conflicted love for Eren. There are times where I wanna hug him to death and other times where I wanna punch him in the face. _

_Anywho, read and, hopefully, enjoy. I hope to God I've kept them in character._

* * *

The first time I've opened my eyes, red, orange, and gray was spiking into the skies. The haze in my mind was overwhelming as my eyes flitted hither and thither. Where was I? Why am I laying on the ground? What was that dull roar?

Everything hurt. I tried to move my legs, but I could not find the muscles to make them obey, to rise and find somewhere to go. I inhaled through my teeth, feeling ash slip through the crevice, down my throat, choking me. Something sounded off in the distance, distorted to my ears—another dull roar. Breathing sharply now, I forced my head to turn, my eyes flickering.

The houses that once stood here were utterly annihilated, crushed into dust. Among the wreckage towered a giant, with bulging eyes and a vacant, twisted smile on its visage as it lumbered to where I lay. Far off, giants like this one were distracted by something else, for they gave chase—some running, some merely trudging along. Raw panic filled my lungs, gripped my heart. It was something that was supposed to be familiar, yet…

What were these creatures?

A massive hand swooped down and I felt the large digits curl around my body and I was raised into the air. My fingers dug into the giant's flesh from shock and I whipped my head around wildly. Everywhere my eyes flew, there was destruction, screams, and lumbering giants. Smoke seared across the air, stinging my eyes. My eyes turned to the giant's face, my breath catching when it opened its mouth wide. I was being inched nearer and nearer to its jaws and I dug my nails futilely into its flesh. A siren of sound blasted from my throat as the dark cavern of its mouth overcame the sky, ash, and destruction.

That's when I heard it—a roar so loud that my insides quaked.

That's when I felt it—something heavy colliding with the creature's body, gripping its arm and yanking me from its mouth before it could bite down.

That's when I saw it—another one of those creatures, yet it couldn't possibly be similar. Dark hair hung in its face—but what a face, teeth exposed as though it were a permanent smile, yellow eyes alight with something savage. It didn't have flesh like the giant that held me in its grasps—it looked as though it were nothing but pure muscle. The grip this creature had on the giants arm tightened as it gave a violent tug and a sickening sound of flesh tearing, bone breaking, shattered the air as the giant's arm was severed. I screamed as the second giant flung the severed arm, my body clenched in its fist. The wind whistled sharply in my ears, violently whipping my hair forward as the hand that once had a tight grip on my body became lax so that I was hurled in the air.

I heard another sharp whistle and bit back a gasp as I felt myself collide into something else and propelled forward. A tight grip was around my middle, but I was too consumed by shock to take notice until my legs met a rugged surface. A dull buzzing reached my ears and my mind whispered, _someone is speaking to you._

Dark eyes and dark hair invaded my field of vision and I felt a startled noise tear from my throat, scrambling away using the strength of my arms. The person before me—a female—gazed at me in silence. I met her gaze, my heart thrumming violently beneath the protection of my bones, as my eyes flicked around my surroundings. That creature that tore the giant's arm off was stomping off somewhere. What on earth was it?

I had been surprised to, for when the first giant seized me, I was overcome with raw fear. When the second creature appeared, ripping that giant's arm off—whereas saving me in the process—I didn't feel fear when I laid eyes on it. Where the panic should have been was something else, something that wasn't fear.

Was it…fascination?

"Hey." The female that had caught me as I hurled through the air was looking at me with a look that strongly resembled curiosity. My teeth furrowed into my lower lip, silently conveying to her with my eyes to proceed with what she was going to say. She must have realized, for she did press on. "Are you hurt?"

Was I? I looked down, my hands clenching my white skirt—was I wearing it the entire time? —and drawing it up to unveil my knees. There were dark marks on the skin and that made me wonder if that was why I had been unable to make my legs move. I lifted my eyes to the girl and took in her apparel. Boots, white trousers, the jacket—

Something clicked in my memory. That jacket was familiar. I raised my shaking hand, moving it to at least grab the sleeve of the jacket in my hand. The girl didn't move. My fingertips barely grazed the cloth when a voice called out, "Mikasa!"

Two males had come to us, and the blond one had gone to the strange object to her sides and fiddled with them. The other one stood, something in him on edge. I ignored them, for they began to talk about something until the blond one pointed at the creature as it tromped out of sight. Were they going to hurt it? Part of me hoped not. As twisted as it seemed…that creature had initially saved my life.

"What about that girl, Mikasa?" asked one of the males.

The girl—Mikasa-looked at me. "I don't know. She hasn't said a word. All I know was that she survived a Titan attack."

Titan…that word was familiar. It stirred something inside of me, faint, echoing through my bones. I struggled to get to my feet, pain shooting through my legs. My mind chanted the word repeatedly, as if it were a prayer—or a curse. _Titan. Titan. Titan. _

I jolted when I felt a hand on my shoulder, my body recoiling so violently that I crashed to my knees. The blonde male had stepped back with a shocked expression on his face. "H-Hey, I'm sorry. Did I hurt you?" he stammered.

My heart was quaking inside of me, but I couldn't find my voice. Couldn't form words. Why couldn't I? Why…?

"What's your name?" the blonde asked me.

Name…my name? That stirring at the question was stronger, so much so that the word appeared in my mind. I forced my tongue to form the words. "D-Da…Dam-m…Dam…ara…" A hoarse voice whispered. Was that my voice?

"Damara?" asked the other male, scrutinizing me. I didn't like how he looked at me so suspiciously. "Your name's Damara?"

Did he not hear me? I nodded. That was the only name I could unearth in my consciousness. Damara…that was my name, I know it. My core rattled with it. Mikasa spoke then, businesslike. "We need to take Damara somewhere safe. We can't take her with us or she'll be Titan fodder."

Titan fodder…something seared in my mind, but it was still foggy. Unclear. Whatever was uttered next, I didn't hear. All I know was that the other male, whose name I didn't catch, turned his back to me and urged me to get on his back. I didn't argue, merely did so because something told me it was safer to be wherever they planned to take me. I shut my eyes as suddenly we hurled through the air. I wanted to see the creature that had saved me. Something in me wanted to see it…wanted to see if I could thank it…

* * *

I was placed in the care of unfamiliar civilian when the other male took me to a safe place. It was where I was now, standing on trembling legs, my hand in the other civilian's hand for support as I gazed at nothing in particular, only lost in my own meditations. I could stand no longer and sank to my knees.

"Dear," the woman whispered to me. "Dear, are you all right?"

I nodded slowly, closing my eyes and exhaling a soft breath. She spoke again. "Are you sure? You witnessed something horrific out there, my dear. Why weren't you here when the Survey Corp and Military Police…?" She paused.

I wished I could tell her how I was missed. The only thing that I was sure of was that the first time I woke up, all I saw was smoke and fire. Then I saw those giants—one aiming to devour me, the other obliviously saved me. What horror did I see exactly? What was frightening amidst that chaos and crumbling buildings that had been people's homes?

I wanted to go outside. I wanted to see what was frightening out there. I wanted to know why everyone was so scared of those giants, when there was one kind one among them. The woman looked so motherly, but I wasn't soothed. This agitated me almost as much as being clustered here.

I could hear a commotion outside. Someone was crying out; a loud clamoring of voices ringing about out there. I bit down on my lower lip, a nervousness gnawing at me. I wondered about the girl who had caught me after being hurled through the air. Mikasa, was that her name?

"Dear?" There was that damn soothing voice again. "Dear, you're lost in thought. Are you sure you are feeling all right?"

I nodded, bringing my knees to my chest. Wisps of black fell into my eyes and I brushed the strands away impatiently. Sitting around like this, it irritated me to no end. Instead I opted to listen to the murmurs of the other people. From the sound of things, the town I was found in was called Trost, and it was besieged by the Titans prowling around, being subdued by the soldiers called the Survey Corp and Military Police.

_Survey Corp, Military Police…_My mind whispered. The fog within the confines of my conscious grew heavier, as though something was blocking the way to the answer. I was jolted from my reverie when a voice boomed, "I want to see the kid who survived being devoured by a Titan."

_That's you, _my mind whispered. The woman at my side grasped my hand to help me stagger to my feet and guided me forward, to a man who had an unapproachable aura about him. He studied me and it made me nervous. "Unable to speak?" he asked bluntly. I averted my eyes. The only things that escaped me were either screams or the one time where my name passed from my lips. He was expecting an answer, so I nodded.

"Can't be helped, I guess. I was told by a few kids that you were ripped from the grips of a Titan by its own brethren," the man said shortly. I blinked at how quickly he brought my dilemma up. He must have thought I understood because he continued. "We've got that Titan in custody. Would you like to see him?"

_Him? _The soldiers that were out there found the Titan? My hands curled against my skirt and I nodded. Without another word, the man spun on his heel and began to walk away. I forced my throbbing legs to follow him, my blood racing through me. We were venturing somewhere deep and dark, lit by only torches—a dungeon? Why would a Titan be here? The ones I've seen were massive.

We were reaching the end of the corridor, past many empty cells. The man stopped in front of the very last cell and I stopped beside him. His eyes glanced at me, then to the cell as he spoke crisply. "Hey, Jaeger. Someone wants to see you."

I turned my eyes to the cell and walked forward tentatively, my hand reaching out to grasp the cool bar of the door.

Chained onto a bed was a boy around my age, with dark brown hair, teal eyes, tan complexion. This boy was the Titan that pulled me from the grip of death? My heart thudded with horror that he was chained up like an animal. My hand tightened on the bar as I spun to glare at the man who brought me here. He met my glare with an indifferent stare of his own. "Why are you glaring at me, brat?" he asked coolly. "Something upsetting you?"

Knowing that trying at words will fail me, I gestured with my free hand violently toward the boy, my eyes narrowing as a fierce anger gripped me. The bars rattled beneath my hands as they shook with such violent emotion.

"Captain Levi, who…is that?" asked the boy softly. I turned my head to look back at him, meeting those teal eyes. I could only give him my name, the only word that I've ever formed on the tip of my tongue. It came from my lips fluidly this time as I pointed to myself. "Damara."

"So the kid can speak." The snark came from the man behind me—Levi, the boy had addressed him. I ignored him, instead opting to focus on the boy chained before me. I pointed at myself again. "Damara," I repeated before I slipped my hand through the bar and pointed my index finger at him.

Confusion was flickering in those eyes. I inhaled sharply, closing my eyes for only a second, before I opened them. I worked my tongue to try and form words that they would ask. "Y-Yo…Your…n-name…"

Breathing hard, a dull thumping stemmed from my temples. Forcing myself to speak was agonizing. I pulled my hand from the cell, seeing the boy's eyes wide with something like confusion and wonder. I didn't want to repeat myself again; my tongue felt dry and heavy.

I heard him take a breath. "Eren," he said softly before his eyes glanced off of mine. I tilted my head and, despite of my pounding headache and dry tongue, I tried my hand at trying to speak again. "Ti…Tita…n?"

His eyes shot back to me, this time there was anger in them. "What?"

I flinched, but didn't back away. "Ti…Titan…E-Ere…n?" I breathed nervously, my tongue lolling uselessly in my mouth. The anger grew in his eyes, so much so, that I turned away. What was this? How could he be a Titan?

"She wanted to thank you, you piece of crap," Levi told him swiftly. I looked at the man, seeing his arms crossed over his chest. He continued. "We were told that while you were in your Titan form, you ripped this girl away from another Titan. You saved her life."

"I…I did?" Eren whispered and I chanced a glance at him. He looked shocked, his mouth open, eyes wide. He looked at me. "I…I saved you?" he asked me quietly.

I felt my lower lip tremble. Why did I want so badly to answer him?

"Please answer me. I know you can." There was a plea in his voice. "Did I save you?"

Closing my eyes, I nodded my head slowly. When I opened my eyes again, there was something else settling in his eyes. Shock and…relief?

"All right, you've both had your chat." I jumped when Levi's hand dropped unceremoniously onto my shoulder. I glanced at him nervously as he spoke. "I'm taking her back out. You've got another positive thought, Jaeger. Someone obviously sees the worth in you."

I looked back at Eren for the last time, a heavy feeling inside of me that told me that I wouldn't see him again after this. Levi guided me away from his cell as my hand slipped from the bar I gripped so tight. I wanted to stay. I wanted to know him.

Confusion caught me in its tendrils, snaking its way around my body and holding me fast.

Why did I want that so much?


	2. Second Choice

_ "Let's go play!"_

_ A little hand grasped mine as a small body jumped up and down, with a huge smile on their face. That smile was the only discernable feature._

_ "Big sister, let's go play!"_

_ I smiled. Stood. We went outside to play._

_ We just wanted to play…_

_ The last thing I heard was a scream…_

_ The last thing I remembered was a chilling, deafening roar._

I gasped, my eyes flying open, my heart beating unmercifully from within. My hands clutched at my chest to try and quell the noise. My breaths came out ragged and something pricked at my eyes. I raised my hand to my eyes, wiped at them.

My fingers were wet. Tears? Over a dream?

"Damara, dear, are you all right?"

My eyes flitted to my door. The woman who agreed to take me in—Hannah—looked at me with concern. I sat up, nodded, and rubbed away the goose bumps that formed on my arms. Hannah approached me with a soft smile and ran a hand through my hair. "I was quite surprised that someone from the Scouts asked me if I would adopt you. You were all alone, dear, how would I live with myself if I let you wander the streets?" she murmured. I never asked, but knew it was because I was the one literally saved from a Titan. Saved from certain death—granted I was thrown.

My mind went to the boy that captain had chained in the dungeon. Eren. I wondered what was happening to him, if he was still chained like an animal in that dank dungeon. My heart shuddered and twisted. It bothered me, the idea of how he could possibly be suffering. I raised a hand and gripped the cloth over my heart. Hannah noticed and the concern returned in her eyes. "Damara? What you thinking about, dear?"

I looked at her. Then I shook my head.

* * *

The sky was extremely blue.

My hand reached for that azure color of the sky, my mind going into the childish notion that I could reach it. Sighing, I dropped my hand back to my side, tearing my gaze from the sky to the ground.

I could hear something that sounded like hooves on the cobblestone and I raised my head. There was a hooded group, on their steeds, heading for the exit of the wall. I recognized one of the figures—the captain from yesterday. Would that mean that he would be among these people too? My eyes bounced from face to face, trying to find a recognizable feature beneath the hoods. I held my breath as they passed. One beat...two beats...

That's when I saw the eyes. _His eyes_.

My breath escaped as he passed, but took no notice of me. Were they taking him somewhere now? I bit down on my lip, wishing I could call out to him. _I want to know you..._my mind whispered out to him.

I heard the whispers among the other civilians. I caught snatches of what they said-"Monster" and "Titan" dominant on their tongues. Something bubbled inside me, fierce, razor sharp. They had no right to judge him like this, no right at all. But I kept my eyes trained on him, on Eren, until the whole group left outside of that wall.

There was a new feeling clenching at my heart. Something cold. The same cold when I was in the grips of a Titan.

Fear.

They were going outside of the wall, somewhere dangerous. I could feel it.

"Damara?" Hannah gently tugged my arm. Her eyes were large and gray, full of motherly concern. "Were you worried about the boy who save you, dear?"

Worried? What did that mean? I met Hannah's eyes, sure that my own were reflecting confusion. "My dear, it means that you're concerned the boy will get hurt outside of the wall. He is part of the Survey Corp," she murmured.

That's it-maybe that's why my heart was so full of dread. I was worried about someone I barely knew. Hannah clicked her tongue and took my hand. "Come, my dear, it is time for us to do some shopping."

* * *

The walls. They have always been there, keeping us caged in like cattle.

That was what Hannah had told me.

She had explained that the Titans roaming outside were our enemies, for they devoured us. The walls kept the predators out, the prey inside.

We were the prey. The mindless cattle, safe inside the walls, we were living with some delusional semblance of freedom.

The Survey Corps-the prey with the courage to brave the territory beyond the walls. They were the ones our fate as humanity rested on. Apparently, merchants who discovered that a Titan sealed the breach in Wall Rose with a boulder were skeptical. A Titan on our side was an impossibility. But I've faced that infamous Titan while he was chained in his cell and I could feel it deep within my bones, straight to my core, that he wasn't dangerous. He wasn't a threat.

But, as Hannah reminded me, I didn't and still don't know any better. I was innocent. She was wrong. I knew enough to know what I wanted, and I didn't want a life in constant fear of Titans breaking down the walls and driving us to the edge of extinction. In fact, I was curious about the Titans. How could they be how they are? I thought of Eren. How was a human like him capable of becoming a Titan? Were there others like him? It certainly raised many questions, each seeming as unlikely as the next. Instinctively, I knew one thing.

There was something we didn't know, something crucial we missed.

I sat outside of Hannah's home, right outside of her door, as she made dinner, staring up at the sky. It was such a dark blue that it gradually faded into black with the stars twinkling down at me. My mind flashed to my very first encounter with Eren-that encounter with him as a Titan. I sighed as the strange desire to know him rose in me again. There was something more than that—it wasn't just the human side I wanted to know. I wanted to know about his Titan side too.

I stood up and went inside the house. All this thinking was making my head hurt.

* * *

_ It mirrored me, this Titan in front of my eyes. Its hair was long, dark, and lank, strands hanging limply in front of its face. Its eyes weren't wide; they were a piercing violet, intent on me. _

_ I raised a hand; so did the Titan._

_ I gasped, dropping my hand and surprise etched on the Titan's face. That was the expression on my own face._

_ I didn't understand. I didn't understand any of this. _

_ Why was this Titan mimicking me?_

"Wake up, dear."

My eyes flickered opened and Hannah smiled softly. "Looks like you were having quite a dream, my dear," she whispered. "Do you think you can tell me?"

I shook my head. It was a new day now. I didn't want to think about nightmares. I sat up and Hannah stood to retrieve the hairbrush from my bedside table and began to run it through my hair gently. I looked at my dark strands, the same color as the Titan in my nightmare...

_Stop it. _There was no correlation between that Titan and myself. Absolutely none.

"Han...nah?" I whispered, her name leaving my lips slowly.

Hannah's eyes were alight. "Yes, Damara?"

"T-The Surv-Survey C-Corps...back?" That headache assaulted me again. My head hurts so much…

"The Survey Corps? No, not yet, dear." Hannah shook her head. "They're on an expedition. It may take some time for them to return."

Time. But what if...

Hannah and I jolted, hearing a clamoring outside. I pushed myself off of the bed, much to Hannah's surprise, and I rushed to the door, unlatching it and heading outside. There was a crowd clamoring, their voices excited, happy. "The heroes have returned!" they roared.

Heroes. I pushed my way to the front of the crowd, a desperation welling inside of me. As soon as I reached the front of the crowd, my eyes widened.

There were less people than when they had left, far less. My heart was pounding loudly, the worry inside of me bursting to the fever pitch. I could see the expressions on their faces, my eyes bouncing from one to the other.

This wasn't a victory.

This was loss. A horrific, bloody, agonizing loss.

In spite of that, my eyes were searching for one person. And I didn't see him. Did he...? Was he...?

My eyes flicked to the wagon being pulled by horses. Movement was inside it. But the cause of the movement didn't reveal themselves. But the shifting from worry to relief told me all I needed-it was him. Eren.

I wanted to call out to him, but this was the time for him and the rest of the soldiers to mourn. As much as I wanted to see him, to talk to him, this moment, this loss-it was not my place.

I moved into the crowd, keeping the group in sight, as I followed silently. The pounding of my heart was louder, ringing in my ears, rising to my throat. In spite of keeping my distance, I had to see him. I had to reach him. That was what mattered. That was the only thing that mattered.

But I was only a civilian. Would I have to join the Survey Corps to get closer?

It was something I felt would be right, the only footing we'd have as equals. And maybe, if not to see him, then I would join to find out why my memories were hazy.

A dull buzz of chatter reached my ears as I saw an old man go to the captain and talk with a nervous, amicable expression on his face. The expression on the captain's face spoke in volumes to me, in spite of his unapproachable aura-there was pain, which meant that the man speaking to him was close to one of the Corps' casualty. Possibly family.

I felt a hand curl around mine and my eyes flew to my caretaker. Hannah met my gaze with a solemn one of her own. "It isn't the first time they've had casualties out there, Damara. They're out there, fighting the Titans, to ensure our survival," she murmured. "The ones brave enough to enlist know the risks."

I squeezed Hannah's hand, feeling tears prick at my eyes. Why would they put themselves through this? For humanity? While the rest of us hide behind these walls as though our lives depended on it? None of this made any sense.

I swallowed the tightness that clenched at my throat, a decision reached deep inside my consciousness. I don't understand why I couldn't remember anything. I don't understand why I had awakened without remembering basic speech. But I wasn't going to hide behind silence, not when I had questions that needed answers. "Speak," I whispered, loud enough for Hannah to hear me as the squad went out of sight.

"What?" she whispered back, her eyes widening slightly.

My gaze hardened with determination. She was the only one I could rely on now. I placed my free hand against my chest. "Speak," I repeated.

Comprehension dawned in Hannah's expression. "All right," she said.

* * *

_Sorry if this seemed a little rushed. My little brain bunny is running on carrots. _


	3. Third Contact

_Here comes chapter three~_

_With some Eren attached~_

* * *

Hannah drilled me as soon as we had gotten home to make dinner. She drilled me on basics on greeting and farewells, to the complication of conveying what I would feel with words. The words were familiar, yet had an unfamiliar taste in my mouth and they bumped around in my brain, like a song.

These were words. Words that we as humans speak to each other. It felt good to say some of the sentences I've been unable to say. Hannah said that maybe my brain was shocked into forgetting the basics of speech during my ordeal.

"Damara, how are you doing over there?" Hannah murmured as I chopped some vegetables for our supper beside her. She had been doing this for the past two hours, trying to catch me off guard to see if I was practicing in some way. My eyes stayed on my chopping. "Fine," I whispered, my voice hoarse from the times of not being used. Maybe that would change.

I muttered greetings and farewells under my breath as the knife was brought down to _chop, chop, chop_. My mind bounced around rhythmically to the chopping and I sighed as my gaze wandered to the window.

I could see Wall Sina from here and I wondered what was behind it. I knew there were more homes, more people. But what was going on behind it? I ceased my chopping, a sudden sadness weighing heavy on my heart. A grievous pain, almost…

Someone was in pain out there. And that pain was deeper than any wound inflicted on a human body.

"Damara?" Hannah's voice sounded far away. "Where is your mind going, dear?"

"Pain," I whispered, not averting my eyes. "Is pain out there…"

"What do you mean?"

"Someone in pain. Can feel it."

I moved toward the window after setting the knife down. Something else rose within me. Anticipation. So much anticipation buzzed inside me that my body trembled. "Hannah," I murmured softly. "Is something on behind wall…" I could feel Hanna's gaze shift from concern to confusion. Her hand rested on my shoulder. "My dear, you're trembling. What on earth has gotten you so shaken up?" she whispered. "Was it today? Watching the Survey Corps return injured?"

That wasn't the root of it. Watching them, injured as they were, didn't shake me to my core. There was only relief that they returned alive—

No. That _he _returned alive.

Bile rose in my throat, knotting my insides, a disgusting metallic taste curling my tongue. The dull pain that arose in my temple, usually associated with my forcing speech, hit again, harder than before. Nausea rolled over me. "I don't…feeling well…" I whimpered.

Hannah clicked her tongue, her hands on my shoulders to steer me to my room. "You're stressing yourself, my dear. You need rest, you're still fragile," she sighed as she helped me lay down on my bed. I felt the pillow beneath my head, the mattress supporting my body.

This felt painful, whatever this was that assailed me. I shut my eyes and Hannah ran her fingers through my hair. "Rest, dear," she whispered and everything went black.

* * *

_I could hear nothing but silence at first. But then I could hear it, soft at first, then louder: a cry of pain. I wanted to reach the one in pain. I wanted to say everything was going to be okay…_

_ But it wasn't going to be okay after all, was it…?_

When my eyes cracked open, I could hear Hannah at the door, talking to someone. I pushed myself upright, brushed dark strands of my hair away from my eyes. I heard footsteps tread lightly over to my door—four sets, I could hear. I rubbed at my eyes, banishing sleep from them, swinging my feet onto the floor right when my door opened.

"Damara, you have visitors," Hannah chirped, beaming a smile my way as she allowed my visitors to come in—

My heart dropped to the floor as teal eyes met my own. His eyes glanced off of me for a moment, as though unsure of facing me like this before they flew back to me. His companions—the girl and the boy—regarded me with different levels. The girl was stoic; I read nothing in her eyes. The boy was regarding me with concern. I remembered them. They saved me from being a broken pile of flesh after he threw me in the air.

"Sorry if we're intruding," the blonde one said. What was his name again? I searched my memory, but didn't recall anyone calling him by his name.

I shook my head. "Not…at all," I mumbled.

"You can talk now?" That came from him. Eren. He sounded surprised. I met his surprised gaze, twisting my fingers in my lap. "A…little," I breathed softly. "Hannah teached me…still not good speaking."

"Do you need more practice? Your grammar is a little heavy," The blonde said, approaching me. I shook my head violently, my fingers curling into a loose fist now. These people were making me nervous, even more so than if Eren had come alone.

"Armin, I think we're scaring her," Eren muttered as he addressed the blonde, his eyes averted again. He spoke to me now. "We can go if we're making you nervous."

"N-No!" I exclaimed, my eyes flying to him before I swallowed a lump in my throat. "Want to give you gratitude. All of you. F-For saved me."

The girl—Mikasa-walked toward me. "You weren't injured, were you?" she asked in a soft monotone, her gray eyes fixed on me.

I shook my head, much slower this time. "Will be bad if miss had not catch me," I mumbled, closing my eyes. I stood up, my eyes still closed, before bowing. "Miss and her comrades. Thank you."

I rose to my full height and opened my eyes to see shock on Armin and Eren's face. "You weren't scared when I…threw you, were you?" Eren asked, concern in his eyes.

I shook my head. "Eren not…not scary," I told him softly, hopeful that I got the point across. "Eren take me from other Titan and not hurt me." I placed a hand against my heart, aware that it was beating faster than ever. "Eren saved me. Did not kill me."

Armin approached me. "Damara, why were you missed when the civilians evacuated?" he asked.

I chewed the inside of my cheek, tasting blood. I couldn't answer the question. I didn't know the answer. I shook my head, shrugged my shoulders, my hand dropping to my side. "Don't know…" I whispered.

"We should get back, Eren," Mikasa murmured suddenly. "That captain will throw a fit if we stay longer."

"Right," Eren replied. But then he raised a hand to rub the back of his head, his eyes flying to mine. "Um…give me one more minute."

I saw something flicker in Mikasa's eyes, but she nodded before sharing a look with Armin and they both backed out of my room. When they were out of earshot, Eren exhaled. "I just wanted to know…anyone would be scared to fucking death to be in a grip of any Titan," he said before lowering his hand. "Why weren't you scared of me? I turn into one of them."

I frowned, and walked toward him, closing the distance between us. Slowly, I raised my hands and placed them on either side of his face, keeping his eyes in my line of sight.

His eyes were large, made more obvious that he widened them in surprise, and a dark red hue appeared on his cheeks. What was he expecting? Shoving that question aside for now, I spoke, trying to enunciate as clearly as possible. "Eren not _them. _Eren is Eren." To emphasize my point, I lightly slapped his face with my hands. "Eren not monster."

"You're…fucking weird," came his assessment, but I noticed a glimmer in his eyes. Of hope or relief? I dropped my hands from his face, stepping away. Eren turned and averted his gaze. "I gotta go. I just wanted to…know that you're still okay, I guess. Not too traumatized," he said. "See you around." He turned away to leave, and the Wings of Freedom came into my line of sight.

"See…you…around," I repeated, before whispering to where he could hear. "See…you…again."

Eren spun around, shock written on his face. "What?"

"See you again," I repeated. "Not…soon, but…again."

I hoped that those words were enough to convey what I wanted, and seeing the shock expression melt from his face into something softer, unlike a soldier. "Can't make any promises," he said.

"No promise. Just again," I replied, pushing my hair behind my ear.

I saw the barest hint of a smile cross his lips before he turned to go. "Just again, then."

And he was gone. Out the door again.

Hannah must have shown them out because she came into my room quickly. "Isn't that lovely, Damara?" she asked me with a gentle smile. "They came to see how you were doing?"

I nodded. "May come again…"

"You know, dear, not everyone is fond of the Titan boy," she told me, the slight disgust she had for others' judgment evident in her tone.

I shook my head. "Eren…not Titan. Eren is Eren."

Hannah took my hand. "What would you want to do now? Improve your speech?" she asked me.

I met her eyes. "Yes, speech. And…want to join Survey Corps."

Her eyes widened as Hannah guided me to the kitchen. "Why would you want to do that? Is it because of the boy?" she asked.

Partly. "Something…more," I answered, and the instinct inside of me told me that those words were the truth. There was something more for my request. I wanted to find it.

I had to find it.

* * *

_Part of me wants to ask my readers if I should have Eren teach Damara how to speak. So should I, dears? Or let it go its own way? _


	4. Fourth Years

_So this'll be in Eren's point of view. Forgive it being so short._

* * *

_Year One…_

One month since I asked Captain Levi to see that girl I saved. Damara.

She was able to talk a little bit more than before then. Or more like baby babble—the gibberish before full speech. Something that was understandable, I guess. I mean, she could barely talk when we had first laid eyes on each other.

I didn't promise her that we'd meet again the next day or next week. To promise something like that was pointless. But I did wonder. Was she learning more? Did she remember anything about herself other than her name?

Mikasa and Armin noticed I kept drifting off in my thoughts and questions—even now, in HQ, my mind kept wandering back to the one civilian who didn't think I was a monster while I stood with the two of them. Mikasa didn't say anything, but Armin was the one who asked. "You're thinking about her again, aren't you?"

"No," I lied, shaking my head.

Armin either gave me a look that questioned my intelligence or he expected me to lie because he let out an exasperated breath. "Eren, she's one of very few people who believes you're not a threat."

Something I just don't fucking get at all. "I should be jumping for joy like a moron?" I muttered.

"I figured it's about time we got someone on your side."

Only Armin could find a silver lining in something so typical. Mikasa fiddled with the scarf I gave her a long time ago. "She's innocent," she murmured. "That girl."

Mikasa always chose her words carefully, to make them count. But she was right. Damara—that weird girl—was too innocent for this hell of a world we were all born into.

Why was she born into it?

Why were we?

* * *

_Year Two…_

I wasn't sure of how much more I could take. I couldn't push the rage back down.

Every expedition we had gone on, lives were lost. People died. Our _comrades_ fucking died, eaten by those bastard Titans. Even with my power, I still couldn't do anything. Not a fucking thing!

The more we try to figure out what the hell these things were, the more confusing things became.

Part of me wished I could just scale the walls with Mikasa and Armin and just break for it. Run and see the outside world and forget all of this crap we had to go through.

But with the Titans still out there, no place was safe. No one was safe. And it's my dream to destroy them all.

* * *

_Year Three…_

Captain Levi mentioned we were getting new recruits. Trainees; fresh blood, like we had been. How many were going to join us, ready to die to annihilate the Titans?

Mikasa, Armin, and I were at the entrance of HQ when we saw them. Five trainees: three boys and two girls. One of the girls caught my eyes—she had long, dark hair with tints of red in the strands. There was something familiar about her; my blood thrummed with familiarity.

The boys noticed us three and made rapid exchanges with the girls, and all five turned to salute us. The girl I kept my eye on seemed to notice me in particular.

A chill gripped my spine, spreading to numb my body.

Those eyes—were _hers_. The same eyes that held a glimmer of admiration in them when they saw me. I could see a secret smile curl her lip—there, then gone. The chill grew, its grip so tight that it was suffocating.

No. _Fucking no._

Why was she here?

_Why the fuck was she here?!_


	5. Fifth Blood

_Back in Damara's point of view. Maybe something good is going to happen~_

* * *

I had caught sight of Eren and his comrades when I arrived with my fellow Trainees at the Survey Corp HQ. We had saluted them, but I saw confusion in his eyes from where I stood—sheen of panic.

He walked toward us in forceful strides, almost unsure of what he was seeing, before he reached out, his fingers clamped on my upper arm and digging into the material of my jacket. His teeth were furrowed into his lower lip, brows drawn in frustration. "What are you doing here?" he bit out.

I gestured between us with my free hand. "Ally," I replied softly.

The response didn't satisfy him. "Allies? You've gotta be kidding me!" he snapped. "You don't need to be here. You shouldn't be here!"

I always react poorly whenever anyone came into my face when sparring back in training. With Eren in my face like this, I did what came natural to me.

I reacted.

I seized the arm gripping so tightly onto me, my other hand snapping to his shoulder. I jammed my heel against his foot and flipped him, keeping him pinned with my elbow against his chest. Eren gasped in surprise and pain, his eyes wide as they met mine. Mikasa and Armin called out his name and ran toward us, but I kept my eyes trained on Eren, my breaths coming out heavy.

A hand gently took my wrist and I saw the ends of blonde hair. My eyes flickered to my fellow female Trainee, Kosmina "Osmi" Nev, who clicked her tongue and eased me off of Eren. My eyes flickered to Mikasa and Armin—Mikasa's steel-colored eyes flared in my direction.

"Damara," Kosmina whispered, her silver eyes flickering to Eren, "is head of our class. Not one to be taken lightly."

I averted my eyes, biting onto my thumbnail nervously before I glanced back at Eren. He was pushing himself upright, his eyes going impossibly wider. "You…made head of the class?" he whispered. "You made head of the class and you're here? Why?"

I pushed my hair behind my ears before dropping my hand to my side. "Find…truth," I replied softly before meeting his eyes. "See…you."

Eren pushed himself to his feet, his mouth open in shock. It was making me nervous. One of my other Trainees, Leo, spoke then. "We've gotta meet the captain." His voice was brisk. "Let's go."

Kosmina placed her hands on my shoulders and steered me away from Eren. I tore my gaze from him to follow Kosmina, Leo, Seamus, and Ian.

"Wasn't that the Titan boy?" Ian muttered.

I tensed, wanting to hit the boy right now. Because that wasn't what Eren was. Kosmina noticed my hands clenching before she nudged Ian painfully in the ribs, a warning glare in her eyes. I just shook my head to clear the heat of sudden anger. I tapped against my collarbone with a sigh. These Trainees were my comrades, going through three years together. But I felt no real connection with them, no real bone-deep bond. That was all there was to it.

* * *

I stared at the ceiling in my room. The darkness cloaked the grounds as night fell. I let out a breath, my eyes sliding closed even though it made no difference right now.

"Damara…?" My name was in the air, on a male's tongue. Not just any male.

_Him._

I sat up, strands of my hair falling into my face. The door to my room was open and I could see the shimmering of teal eyes. I stood up, quickly gestured him inside with my right hand. When he walked into my room, somewhat hesitantly, I shut the door with a quiet snap.

"Did I wake you?" Eren's voice was barely a whisper when I turned around to look at him in confusion. I was more concerned on what possible reason he had to come and see me in the middle of the night—something I was positive wasn't allowed. When I registered his question, I shook my head. "Already awake…" I mumbled.

I could see him frown. "Your speech is still shaky. No one took the time to help you after three years?"

"Osmi...try," I told him, rubbing my right arm nervously. "No good."

Eren folded his arms over his chest, impatience marring his features. "You can't just stay quiet, Damara!" he exclaimed. "You've gotta learn! You've gotta say how you feel, what you're thinking!"

Easy for him to say, I can tell he practically spewed his thoughts. When I didn't respond, Eren clicked his tongue impatiently, grabbed my wrist and tugged me toward my bed. He placed his hands on my shoulders and sat me down. I blinked at up at him. Letting out an exasperated sigh, Eren ran a hand through his tousle of hair. "Let's start over." He stuck out his hand, meeting my eyes. "My name is Eren Jaeger."

I blinked again, surprised this time. What was he doing…? I lifted my hand to take his. When my fingers curled around his, I was shocked at how his hands were—calloused, but warm. Possibly soft once. My tongue moved within my mouth, trying to see how they'd curl around the words once I say them out loud. "My…name is…Damara."

"See?" His smug grin matched his tone of voice. I was confused until he continued. "You can do it."

Comprehension dawned on me. He was…teaching me. He released my hand with that grin still in place. Then, before I could react, he rammed his knuckles into my head and rubbed. "Don't hold back, got it!"

I whined, shoving his hand away from my head and glared up at him. He calmed from his antics before speaking again. "I can help teach you to speak. Since…well…" He seemed uncomfortable now, struggling to choose the right words. "Since that lady you live with wouldn't be teaching you…"

I nodded slowly and I saw confusion in his eyes. "You want me to teach you?" he asked.

I nodded again, keeping my gaze intent on him. I tapped my fingers against the warm hollows of my collarbones. "Teach," I said softly. "Want learn."

Eren shook his head. "No, no. _I want to learn._ Say it."

I opened my mouth, closed it; then I opened again. "I…want t-to lear…learn."

He beamed. "Good," he said before turning to look at my door. "I should head back to my room. Wouldn't want to get you in trouble."

I nodded, my eyes falling to my hands, nestled in my lap.

"Don't look so sad. I said I'll teach you, right?" Eren's knuckle made contact with my forehead, impatience crossing his features again. I chewed on my lower lip before nodding.

Eren crossed the room to leave my room, his hand pausing on the knob before he glanced back at me. "Get some sleep, all right, Damara?"

I looked at him and nodded before lying down on my mattress, pulling the blanket over myself. Before I let my eyes slip close, I waved at Eren. "Good…night," I whispered.

Whether he responded or not, I wasn't aware, because darkness slipped around me.

* * *

_My heart was thrumming as the freezing air bit into my skin. My blood was pounding in my ears, raw panic gripping my insides. _

_ There was blood everywhere, splattered on the grass, staining the crisp green crimson. Mangled, dismembered, half-devoured bodies were strewn before my eyes, so hideously painful to bear witness. I raised my shaking hands to clutch at my hair as the panic grew, my insides becoming cold. A high, keening sound reached my ears and my airways were becoming sore. The screaming…it was mine._

_ Pain. All I saw was pain and it was unbearable, scorching and numbing, twisting my insides. When the screaming ceased, I felt the sharpest of pain pierce my tongue, a coppery, metallic taste trickling down my throat…_

_ And everything went white._

"—Ara? Damara!"

I jolted awake, my breaths escaping in ragged contortions. Kosmina's face loomed over mine, her silvery eyes wide with concern, yet she looked hurried. "Damara, you've got to get up," she said in a rushed tone. I pushed myself off of the bed and hurried to pull my uniform on. As soon as my shirt was on, Kosmina took ends of my hair into her hands. I glanced back at her in confusion while I put my leather harnesses on.

"I know we've trained in using the 3DMG, but it's better to remain cautious," she said, twisting the ends of my hair. I let her while I pulled on my trousers and boots while remaining upright. As soon as she tied the end, I pulled my jacket on. Kosmina took my hand. "Let's go before the captain gets mad at us!" she exclaimed and tugged me out of my room.

"E…Exped…ition?" I whispered curiously.

"That'd be what we were trained for, right?" laughed Kosmina, her shining hair fluttering. "We were trained to fight the Titans and reclaim this world!"

Kosmina's words confused me. She was the most docile of the cadets in my year, always to offer words of encouragement or a kind smile. Many of our fellow cadets thought she didn't have the temperament to be a soldier. Her words were full of confidence, like she wholly believed we fragile humans could fight the Titans, and eradicate them. It was almost unlike her.

I had always liked Kosmina during our training days, but I didn't feel a particularly close bond with her. We were allies, but we weren't close friends. When she introduced herself to me, she had told me to call her "Osmi". She knew I couldn't speak very well and understood that my nods or headshakes would signal whether I agree or disagree.

When we walked outside, into that open space, I saw other squads gathered here and there. Some were chattering amicably, others seemed on edge. Was this what it was like to be part of a squad? Or was it going to be strictly Titan-slaughtering business?

"Shut up, horse face!"

"Make me, you suicidal bastard!"

Those argumentative words cracked through the air and my eyes flew around to find the source.

Eren and another were toe-to-toe in a heated argument. I blinked in confusion. Why were they arguing? I stopped and Kosmina gasped at the suddenness of my action and glanced back. "Damara?" she questioned before following my gaze.

Suddenly, her tone became sly. "Oh~ Do you like one of those soldiers?"

Where did docile Kosmina go? I was about to shake my head, but I wasn't sure what she meant by _like_. I shrugged.

Kosmina attempted to conceal her squeal. "You can be so cute, Damara."

I kept my eye on Eren and the other soldier as they continued to squabble. I wanted to try and talk to him again. "Go on~" Kosmina chimed, nudging me forward.

I nodded and walked forward, hesitantly at first, but continued. When I got closer, I raised my hand and poked Eren's shoulder. Eren spun around, his face marred with irritation, but then his eyes widened when he saw me. "Damara!" he exclaimed. I waved my hand in greeting, but then remembered what Hannah had taught me to say. "G-Good morn…ing," I whispered.

"Who's this, Jaeger? Girlfriend of yours?" the other soldier mocked.

I shook my head to answer for myself. "No."

"You'd be too good for him. You'll need a real man, like me." He winked. Eren made a strange noise—either a growl of impatience or a snarl of anger. "Leave her alone, Jean."

"Are you two fighting again?" came a cool voice. Mikasa strode over to us three, followed by Armin. When she caught sight of me, she gave me a small nod. "Good morning," she greeted.

I returned her nod with one of my own. Armin smiled politely at me. "Good morning, Damara."

I nodded with a smile. A sudden weight on my back caused me to let a small shriek of surprise. "Look at how you've got so many friends!" Kosmina giggled, her hands on my shoulder.

"Fr…iend…?" I mumbled shakily.

"_Friends_," Eren emphasized, poking at my forehead.

"Fr…Friends," I said.

"So what's going on?" Kosmina asked.

"We're going to be going on an expedition soon," said the one called Jean. "We just gotta prepare and this moron," he glanced at Eren, "is getting all insane for no reason."

"Watch it, horse face!" Eren snapped, tension knotting him.

I poked at Eren's shoulder again, trying to convey with my expression that he should calm down. He glanced at me before the tension left him. "I need to talk to you," he muttered to me before seizing my wrist and tugging me away from the small group. What was with people dragging me today?

When we were far enough, Eren faced me. "You weren't trying," he said.

I blinked in confusion and he seemed to get irritated again. "Talk, damn it!" he told me harshly.

I narrowed my eyes slightly at his tone. "Will…flip you. Again."

Either the memory of how I flipped him was enough to wound him or he just figured I would speak in due course because he exhaled heavily. "Look-"

"Oi, brats." A cold voice cut through the air, directed at us. "We've got no time to be fucking around. Get your ass ready for the expedition."

It was the captain, Levi. He didn't look remotely pleased—or did he always seem that way? In any case, the glare he was firing at us made me want to scurry off and I did just that, Eren on my heels.

* * *

We had left the walls, on our steeds. I was in a group with my fellow former cadets, riding next to Kosmina, Ian on my left, Leo, Seamus, and Milo flanking the rear. Nervousness ate away at my insides as I gripped the reins of my horse, my cloak flapping in the sharp wind.

There were grassy plains and a forest up ahead. Everything was so spread out and open. Was this the outside? If it weren't for us going into the jaws of death, I would stay here forever.

"Damara?" Kosmina's voice called me back from my travels, and I was easily accustomed to how easily she shifted from her girly behavior earlier to her serious one now. "Ready?"

I nodded. We were ready. We were going to survive this and return after slaying the Titans. The open landscape changed once we entered the forest, penetrating enemy territory. Instincts deep in my core were raring to life. We were the first wave of attack. We had to make this count.

"Shit!" Milo cursed, and I knew it wasn't going to be good. "15 M Class! Three of them!" he yelled.

Three? Three Titans have caught sight of us already?

My answer was confirmed when I felt the ground quaking beneath us.

"That's too soon!" Kosmina cried, her alto voice shaking. "What should we do?"

"Switch to 3DMG!" yelled Seamus, his accent heavy with worry.

We did so, launching the wires into the barks of the tall trees, using our momentum to swing us into the air. Over the whistle of the wind, I heard Ian shout, "We've gotta take them out!"

"Split up and take them down!" Seamus roared, gripping his weapons as he soared seamlessly through the air toward one of the 15 M Titans.

Something shook inside of me; a deep instinct that told me attacking them head-on wouldn't work. I opened my mouth to call out—

But the Titan raised a hand, with an expression twisted with bloodlust, and Seamus crashed into the massive flesh. The Titan closed its hand and, with a terrible scream, snapped Seamus in half.

Kosmina screamed, a high, keening sound. "Seamus!"

I whipped my head to the sound of Kosmina's voice as she let out another bloodcurdling scream. The other two Titans—two potbellied, disproportionate giants—had caught up to us, running with empty expressions of glee on their faces. One had snagged Kosmina, gripping her tight while she thrashed futilely, before it put her in its mouth—with a sickening crunch, it bit down.

The blood spattered into the air, shocking me to my core that I didn't activate my 3DMG in time and fell from the air. The ground met me with a crushing blow and pain shot through my body. I could the Titans feed and looked back.

Grotesque. Blood dripping from their mouths, one saw me. Prey that couldn't escape. The bodies of my comrades in pieces, devoured. Dead.

It drew closer. Reached out its hand.

I let out a scream.

And everything went white.

* * *

_Wonder what'll happen next~_


	6. Sixth Agony

_Hurray, I updated~_

* * *

It felt like hell.

No.

Hell must feel better than this.

This pain was beyond the threshold of pain—agonizingly sharp, searing my bones. My body felt fused to…something.

Had I devoured too…?

Where was I? Where was everyone else? Kosmina? Seamus? Ian? Milo?

Why was I alone? Why?

Where was…

The name was blocked. There was someone very important I was supposed to remember…

Who could it be…?

My mouth went dry, right as a coppery, metallic tang hit my tongue. My throat burned. It tasted like blood.

Everything was mixing together, murky, unclear. But it felt as though something kept moving me. Suddenly, a sharp pain burned the nape of my neck.

What a peculiar place to feel pain…

I felt my body jerk sickeningly, felt my limbs break free of something that made a sound of tearing flesh. Something hissed as my body arched back—and cold air hit my face. I could feel myself falling—

-But arms wound around me, securing me tightly. I couldn't see who it was, for my eyes were shut. I could hear a buzzing around my ears right before a loud voice cracked through the din. "—Ara! Damara, wake up, goddammit!"

That voice…I know it…

I struggled to force my eyes to open, to find the muscles to do so. I could feel rough hands grab at my shoulders and that voice was even louder. "Wake up!"

My eyes fluttered before I managed to open them halfway.

Turquoise. A color that wasn't just blue and wasn't just green. _Such a beautiful color…_

"Damara!"

The voice was hoarse now, angry and yet underlined with worry. The face belonging to that voice swam into focus. _His face._

I remember now.

"E…ren…?" My voice was barely a whisper as I tried to raise my hand. For some reason, I wanted to touch his face. I wanted to make sure that he was there, right in front of me. To make sure I wasn't just hallucinating.

Warmth closed over my hand before that turquoise color overtook the darkness edging around my vision…

…and faded.

* * *

I could hear the screams; their screams as we were ambushed by those Titans. My scream before I lost consciousness. Why did I lose consciousness like that? Why don't I remember anything in between?

I tried to raise my arm, but I heard a _clink _and something heavy dug into the flesh of my wrist. That was when I opened my eyes.

My wrists were cuffed, the metal heavy on my wrist. It made me feel panicky. Why was I chained?

"Damara?"

My eyes flew to my right, widening slightly to see Eren, Armin, and Mikasa. Mikasa stood at the edge of my bed; Armin was against the wall by the door; Eren occupied the only chair in the room. Both Mikasa and Armin were watching me with wary expressions. Eren looked at me with concern and relief. "What do you remember?" he asked softly.

I shook my head slowly, moving my arm slightly so that the shackles jangled. His expression twisted into something dark, darker than just anger as his hand went to the cuff circled on my wrist, his fingers sliding along the cool metal. "Can't believe they put chains on you…" he muttered.

"They had to, Eren," Armin said. "She came out of a Titan's body."

I came out of what? My confusion must have been evident on my face because Mikasa had spoken. "You don't remember anything, Damara? You don't remember killing three Titans in your Titan body before going on a rampage?" she murmured, her eyes fixated on me.

Everything after my team was slaughtered was white. Nothing there. Nothing significant. I shook my head before her next question registered. "R-Ram…pa…ge?"

"After killing the Titans, you tried attacking us," Armin told me, a sad gleam in his blue eyes. The haze in my mind seemed to stop on those words. I tried hurting members of the Survey Corps? My fellow soldiers?

"There's no point in asking her," growled Eren as his grip tightened on the manacle that was placed on me. "She doesn't even realize that she had an ability like mine in the first place. Why bother persecuting her?"

"Eren," Mikasa's voice was firm, "you're letting your personal feelings cloud your judgment. Because you were and are persecuted for having the same power."

"Mikasa!" Eren practically snarled, turning to glare at her. "I'm not letting her go through that!"

"Eren, she has to go through this," said Armin. "We can only present testimonies on her behalf, and on top of that, she doesn't even remember anything."

Armin was right. Mikasa also. I had glimpsed Eren in his captivity, chained in a dungeon. I had reacted strongly because he was shackled like an animal. Now the situation was reversed; I was the one in shackles and he was the one who reacted strongly.

I could understand that Eren wasn't keen on letting me repeat _his _experience with this, but I was too tired to even refute anything. When I closed my eyes, I felt warm fingers brush against my forehead. I opened them halfway to see Eren reclining back to his chair. "She's got a fever," he muttered in a softer, less aggressive tone. I could feel his fingers slip between mine, giving my hand a gentle squeeze. "I promise, no one will hurt you because of this," he said to me, his eyes meeting my half-lidded gaze.

The door flew open, startling Armin and Eren, but barely affecting Mikasa. Two people strode in—captain Levi, I recognized. The other male, I haven't seen before. "Commander," Armin muttered in a soft voice. I forced my eyes to open wider.

"Is this the young lady you pulled from the Titan carcass?" The commander asked, his eyes on me.

"The brat that Eren is insanely trying to protect, you mean," Levi commented. "Ackerman sliced the back of the Titan's neck. I caught the girl when she fell out of the wound."

I looked toward Eren, noticing that he tensed. His temper was bubbling high again. The chains clinked when I tried to lift my hand, catching their attention. Eren fussed over me immediately. "Can't this wait? She's tired out," he said.

"I'm afraid not, Eren," the commander replied before he addressed me in a soft tone. "Damara, is it? Care to tell me how you've possessed a Titan shifting ability?"

Is that what it was called? I shut my eyes for a moment, trying to see if the answer was buried deep within my consciousness. But I found nothing. I opened my eyes and shook my head. "Can…not…" I whispered. "No…memory…"

Eren let out a gust of air. "She doesn't remember," he said softly. "Can't that be enough?"

"Eren, stop," Mikasa's soft voice was firmer than I've ever heard. She always seemed to treat Eren gently, regarded him as though he were her idol. "You can't keep protecting Damara. She has to speak for herself."

"She can barely talk as it is and you know it!" Eren snapped at her.

"S-Stop…" I whispered, my fingers clutching at Eren's harness delicately. "Eren…stop…"

He glanced at me, disbelief coloring his features. "Don't tell me you agree with her?" he asked and I could see his hands curling into fists.

"Stop acting like a damn child, Jaeger," Levi barked coldly, his steely eyes narrowed. He folded his arms over his chest, glaring at Eren. I knew that when Eren crossed his arms, he was either angry or impatient; when Levi did it, I could see him radiating impatience for the boy before him, the boy getting emotional on my behalf. I didn't want Eren getting himself into trouble with Levi, not over me.

Even though it felt as if I were boneless, I pushed myself upright with my elbows to see Levi and the commander better. It certainly didn't escape their notice, but they didn't say anything yet, not until I was completely upright with my wrists bound.

"I can see why you were head of your class," the commander said. "You have determination." He sighed heavily. "Unfortunately, we will have to put you on trial, miss Damara. We had to report everything, including retrieving you from a Titan's carcass."

I could sense that I had no choice. Had there been another option, they would have told me. I closed my eyes briefly before opening them. "All…right," I whispered before meeting the eyes of my superiors. "I will…go to the trial."


	7. Seventh Bonding

"Are you sure you want to do this?"

I met Eren's gaze when captain Hanji had first come to me and undid my cuffs to the bed. Hanji's brown eyes flitted between us. "Tell me, Eren, you're not getting too fond of this girl, are you?" she asked curiously, her eyes alight with curiosity behind her glasses.

"Nothing like that, Miss Hanji," Eren muttered, a light pink hue tinting his cheeks as he turned away. "I just don't want her to go through anything unnecessary."

I sighed and shook my head as Hanji put the new shackles on my wrists. "Want to," I whispered. "_Have to_."

"You don't have to!" Eren exclaimed, his gaze finally returning to mine. "You don't have to do a damn thing!"

"Have to, Eren," I replied softly, my words becoming stronger. "Or I…go away." I met Hanji's eyes and gave her a nod to let her know that I was ready to go to my trial. Hanji returned my nod with a smile. "Don't worry. You'll do fine," she assured me as she lead me out. I could hear Eren follow, his sullenness growing like a balloon over the incident. What would be my fate once I go through this trial?

As soon as we reached the courtroom doors, Hanji beamed another reassuring smile my way. "Don't worry. You'll be just fine," she said. I nodded as she turned to Eren. "You go inside first, then she'll go in."

Eren nodded before meeting my gaze for a brief second before walking inside of the courtroom. Hanji let out a laugh. "That boy, in complete denial," she sighed. "Well, go on in, Damara. It's time."

* * *

The courtroom had a high ceiling. I couldn't help but look at it as they shackled me to a pole in the middle of the room. My eyes flew to the Survey Corps on my right side, the Military Police on my left side. Why were they here? Nervousness wormed its way into my heart, biting my insides like a parasite.

Zackly entered the courtroom and sat on what I could only describe as a pedestal for judges: towering, looking down on those who were brought here.

Some of those like me.

"All right. Let's begin this trial," Zackly said before he looked down at me. "It seems this is similar to Eren Jaeger's case. This cadet—Damara, surname unknown—is brought here for the same reason: being a Titan shifter. According to the reports, the only witnesses are the Survey Corps. Why is the Military Police getting involved?"

Nile Dok, a member of the Military Police, spoke. "The Survey Corps already guaranteed on one monster. What possible reason could they give to hide this one? That creature should be given to us to dissect so if there are any more like her, we will know exactly how to deal with them."

I heard a low growl from the Survey Corps side of the room and turned to look. I could see Eren chewing on his lower lip, his eyes glowing with rage. Mikasa and Armin, who stood on either side of him, had two different reactions. Mikasa had grabbed Eren by his arm in an attempt to calm him and Armin whispered frantically to him, his eyes flickering between Eren and I. I turned my eyes back to Zackly. It was he, after all, who decided where I would be placed.

I could see the Commander raising his hand out of the corner of my eye. Zackly looked at him. "Commander Erwin," he spoke in a low voice, granting permission for him to speak.

"The young lady—Damara—she has done nothing to harm us since prior to this incident. I believe the trauma of seeing her comrades slaughtered before her eyes triggered the transformation, making her not responsible for her actions. This fact that this is nothing more than to discredit the girl for a simple fact—just as the case with Eren, whom I'm sure would speak on Damara's behalf," Erwin said.

Eren's eyes flickered to me, about to speak, before someone from the Military Police spoke loudly. "He'll be more biased than anyone! Of course he'll speak in her defense, being a monster as well!"

I flinched at the word. Monster. I was one now, wasn't I? If the shoe fits and I attacked my comrades in a fit of primal rampage, then that was what I was. But…

"No," I whispered.

"What was that?!" The same voice was raised now, angry. Scared.

"He…is not…monster," I ground out as clearly as I possibly could. "Eren…is not…"

"Do you see? Monsters protect their own!" Another voice rang out. "I say we just kill the creature while we can!"

I tensed, the shackles on my wrists becoming an unbearable weight. I wanted to run. To flee as quickly as I possibly could, over the wall, into that forest where my comrades were killed. Fear was getting to me, holding me fast.

I didn't want to die. Not like this.

I heard Mikasa speak then. "Damara isn't a threat. She shouldn't be persecuted for something like reacting to trauma. I'm sure she'll have her use just like Eren—having two people holding the hope for humanity," she said in a clear voice. "At least take that into consideration."

"Put our faith in a creature like that!" Someone from the Military Police stabbed a finger in my direction. I kept my eyes on them. They were the dangerous ones. "Someone without a family, if she is executed no one will miss her!"

Those words. The growing pain in my heart proved true. Hannah did take care of me, but…she wasn't my blood. I had no one waiting for me inside of the walls.

I joined the Survey Corps to find out what I was, where I belonged, and to whom I belonged. But this changed everything. Of course it does. I was going to be taken into custody by the Military Police. I knew it.

I heard something click and sucked in a breath through my teeth, as my lungs became ice. My heart stopped.

They were aiming a weapon at me, a musket. My muscles locked, my blood ran cold, awaiting the bullet to pierce my heart.

"Leave her alone!" Eren roared and I jerked, startled. My eyes flew to him and I could see the rage twisting his expression. "For fuck's sake, you're scaring her and you're acting like she'll kill you first chance she gets!"

_No, _my mind whispered, _don't interfere. You're letting your feelings cloud your judgment…_

"You damned monster! You may have proved your worth, but this monster hasn't!" yelled an opposing voice violently.

"She's not a monster!" Eren retaliated, his eyes burning with a violent anger. "Don't put a damn scratch on her!"

_Stop it. _My throat was burning again. "Don't…" I whispered.

I could see Mikasa restraining Eren as though knowing he'd jump over the rails to react as viciously as possible. The words were dulled as I watched him.

Emotions welled up inside me, meshed together in a murky mess, and I let out a scream. "Don't interfere!"

Eren's eyes flew to me. "What are you saying-?!" he roared.

"See how he tries to keep that monster alive? We have to get rid of her now!" Those words were the last thing I heard before a deafening bang rang in my ears. A pain seared into my arm and I looked at it.

Red was soaking through my sleeve and the pain magnified.

"Damara!" Eren's shout was just as deafening and I could see him trying to vault over the stands from where he stood with the others, held back by Mikasa and Armin.

"Stay there!" I screamed at him, shaking my head furiously before feeling lightheaded as my blood began to drip on the floor. My vision was becoming hazy but I pushed through to him. It felt as if my mind finally remembered how to vocalize my thoughts. "Don't…interfere…or _won't…_forgive Eren."

An uneasy calm settled over everyone in the courtroom. The different emotions in me—grief, guilt, and pain—were coiled in a messy way. My vision was blurring with tears now. I didn't want to die, but if this was how I was going to go, I wasn't dragging anyone with me.

Least of all the one who saved my life.

"Damara." Zackly's voice was impartial. "You were willing to lay your life on the line for humanity? Like Jaeger, will you control your ability for that purpose?" he asked me.

I raised my eyes to him and took a pained breath. "Y..Yes, s-sir," I whispered.

Levi spoke now. "You know, the brat is under the jurisdiction of the Survey Corps. We should be the ones who decide what happens to her." His words were cold, monotonous, but I understood what he meant. I joined the Survey Corps before this incident. The Military Police, unless under Zackly's duress, had no right to my fate.

Zackly sighed. "This will ultimately be similar to Eren Jaeger's trial. If the Survey Corps believes this child has similar worth, then she will their ward," he ordered. I shifted uncomfortably, my shoulders cracking, before the relief settled in.

* * *

"At least Levi didn't beat on you," Hanji said once we were back at HQ. I was sitting on the sofa, Hanji nursing my wound while I was confused on what she said. She must have noticed because she laughed. "At Eren's trial, Levi beat Eren to a pulp. Kicked out a tooth too!"

My eyes widened and I turned to look between Levi, who was against the wall with arms crossed, and Eren who occupied the seat next to me. Eren rubbed the back on his neck. "He did what he had to," he muttered. "At least you're not…"

"Don't start talking like that, Eren," Armin chided him. "The last thing Damara wants to hear is that."

"What, that the MPs would have dissected her without a second thought of her feelings or her pain?" asked Hanji, her glasses glinting. "Because it's true and that's what would have awaited you if Zackly put you in their hands," she addressed me as she tightening the bandages on my arm. The bullet was deep in my arm, making it difficult for Hanji to remove it and it was healing slowly. From what she had told me before, Eren's Titan ability would have him heal at an abnormal pace. Because I also have the ability, I should have healed already. However, something about my ability was different. My healing was too slow.

"Just like your wound on your neck. You got it in the same place Levi put on your Titan form and it wasn't healing. I wonder how that happened." Hanji seemed to have gotten a familiar glint in her eye because Eren grabbed at my wrist to pull me out of Hanji's line of sight.

"Shitty Glasses," Levi ground out a warning. "Last thing that brat needs is you treating her like your pet Titans. Besides, Eren wouldn't let you anywhere near her."

I blinked in confusion, but winced when I made a motion to move away from Eren, pain lancing through my arm. Eren, noticing the discomfort on my face, released my wrist. "Ah, sorry. You're still hurt," he muttered. I shook my head to ward off his apology, rubbing my hand on my bandaged wound. I looked at my jacket in dismay, the sleeve damp with my blood.

While I understood, I was still in disbelief about the fact that they shot me. It hurt emotionally. It hurt that they saw me as a monster like those Titans. It hurt that I had gone on a rampage after…

_Drip…_

"Damara? Why are you crying?" asked Hanji curiously and I felt Eren jolt from beside me as his face appeared in my line of sight. I raised a hand to touch my eyes, jolting again when I felt moisture against my fingertips. Tears again...

My body started to shake and I registered what was happening. Shock. Grief. It was hitting me like a brick wall. I started rocking back and forth as I jam my hand against my mouth to stifle any sobs that would escape.

"D-Damara? Hey! What's wrong?!" Eren asked, his hand on my shoulder. I pushed his hand off of me, shivering.

Kosmina and Seamus. Ian and Milo. My comrades. They were dead. They were gone and I was…

I could sense someone was about to move, but Levi cut in coldly. "Let her grieve."

No. I didn't need to grieve. I wanted to fight. I sucked in a breath and felt my body ceased its shaking. "Damara?" murmured Eren. "You okay?"

I was about to nod, but I wanted to speak. "Fine," I replied shakily. "I…I'm fine."

Eren opened his mouth of speak but Hanji cut in enthusiastically. "Eren, she's fine!" she exclaimed. "The lovely young lady next to you is made of tougher stuff than you think. Quit babying her!"

I flushed at Hanji's praise. I never thought Eren babied me, but it was true how he fussed over me was a little excessive. Hanji grabbed my hand. "Damara, if you would, I'd like to know what makes you so different!" she told me.

I nodded slowly. I'd like to know why I was so different too, even as a Titan-shifter. If Hanji had theories, then she could test them on me. The grin Hanji beamed my way made me feel like I probably should have refused.

But then, I probably was always curious.

* * *

_~Eren's POV~_

It had been almost a week since Damara's trial and Hanji had been doing experiments on her. She was trying to get Damara to transform into a Titan, but I guess the norm didn't apply to her. She couldn't transform from a self-inflicted wound or even with a goal in mind. She seemed to only transform when she was in deep distress. Or at least that was Hanji's theory.

It bothered me. Damara being subjected to experiments just bothered me. It was like I wasn't protecting her even though she wasn't being hurt. Was Hanji right? Was I babying her too much?

"You're thinking too much again, Eren," Mikasa's voice was low. She was on standby with me as Hanji tried to test Damara's threshold of pain bit by bit, to see if that would stimulate a transformation. I was confused by the strong reaction I felt when Hanji stabbed her finger against Damara's wound and Damara flinched, tears pricking at her eyes. "Sorry," I muttered. "I don't know why I'm reacting like this."

"It's because of how she looks at you, Eren. She looks at you with admiration." Mikasa, being blunt as always, continued. "She also looks at you like you're her idol. You're someone very important to her. I think the last thing she wants is to drag you down. I think," She paused for just a second, studying Damara before finishing her train of thought, "I think you're her hero."

I looked at Mikasa in surprise, but I always knew she was sharp. She caught on to Damara's behavior and why she does what she does? On why she looks at me the way she does? I looked back at Damara, who reacted to Jean who-on Hanji's demand-was advancing on her in a threatening manner by flipping him like she did with me when I was in her face.

At least Horse Face's going to know that he can't move in on her.

When Hanji finally decided to call the experiments quits, Damara sat on the ground, rubbing at her eyes. I made a move to go to her, until Mikasa muttered, "You're about to baby her, Eren. She's a big girl."

I ignored her and walked over to Damara and she looked up at me. I knelt down to eye level with her to see that her eyes were becoming rimmed with red. "Tired?" I asked and she nodded. I held out a hand to her and she tilted her head, confusion clear on her face. "I'll take you to your room," I said.

She reached out and took my hand, her fingers curling around mine, and I pulled her to her feet. "Sorry about Hanji. She gets a little…excited," I told her as we started to walk to HQ.

"It…is okay," she whispered, so soft I could barely hear her. This was probably why Mikasa said I babied Damara—she's too tenderhearted. Soft. I felt a squeeze on my hand before we walked inside and I blushed, realizing that I haven't let go of her hand. Quickly I dropped it. "S-Sorry."

I felt a tug on the sleeve of my jacket and looked back at her. Her fingers were clamped gently against the fabric. Her eyes were lifted toward mine and I could see what Mikasa was saying earlier. Some still looked at me like I was a monster, a time bomb.

Damara didn't. Her eyes were piercing mine with admiration.

Admiration for an idol.

"Eren…thank you," she whispered before she let go and went inside.

* * *

_Holy crap, too much fluff bunnies._

_I swear, the action is going to come back. Unless some of you are exploding from the fluff. -_


	8. Eighth Memory

_"Big sister, what's that noise?" A small hand gripped my skirt as large, light blue eyes peered up at me. The ground was quaking, the sound like thunder. Louder…Louder…_

_ "Big sister!" The little girl gripping onto my skirt so tightly let out a terrified scream as one of the Titans—one of those monsters—towered over, its long hair touching the streets. A twisted smile of hunger graced its features as its massive hand reached for us. _

_ I snatched the small body of the child, gripped her tightly, and tried to flee while the child was screeching in my ears, but…_

_ -Large digits curled around our bodies and the little girl was screaming louder than ever. Such a loud, terrifying sound that made my ears bleed from the sheer frequency._

_ The giant's other hand reached and wrenched the screaming child from my arms. I screamed, trying to take her back. _

_No, not…not the child…don't take her from me…!_

_I watched helplessly, powerlessly, as the giant threw that small body aside as though it were trash. My scream was deafening, but no one heard me. No one heard the bones of the child shatter once she was thrown against the pillar of the torn buildings. _

_The only noise that silenced my screams were the sounds of my bones breaking between the monster's teeth…_

My eyes flew open, cold sweat on my skin. Strands of my hair clung to my face as chills racked my body. My stomach churned as bile rose in my throat. I threw my blanket off of me, unbolted my door, and dashed out.

My heart was pounding so loudly that I feared those who were asleep could hear. The chills were growing worse, my lungs feeling as though they were being squeezed in a vice grip.

I had to get out. I had to get out now.

I ran through the corridor, my bare feet aching from the abuse, until I reached the door, wrenching it open and throwing myself outside. I stumbled, my knees hitting the grass as my body shuddered, my stomach heaved. The bile was caught in my throat, unable to escape while I tried to gasp for air.

My head was about to split in two. The pain was unbearable, tears burning my eyes as they chased each other down my face. I couldn't breathe, as my lungs seemed to be encased in ice. I wanted to scream, to scream at the horrors that were flooding my mind. I wanted those nightmares to disappear!

I didn't hear anyone come out after me, but when I felt a hand touch my back, I jerked away with a snarl, forcing my streaming eyes to focus.

Mikasa was peering at me, her face stoic, but her eyes were showing concern. I gasped, my chills becoming worse as my body continued to tremble. Mikasa approached me carefully, reaching her hand out to me as she kneeled. My trembling turned even more violent and I flinched when her hand touched my shoulder gently. "Why are you out here…?" she murmured softly.

"N-Nightmare…" I tapped my temple with my shaking fingers before I dropped them. The chill of death still clung to me in my dream. Or was it… "Memory…?" I whispered shakily. The basics for my survival as a human were rushing back into my mind. But this night terror…it frightened me to my core. I couldn't muster the strength I've had during the three years of training. This stoic female was the only one holding me together right now…

My tears began to stream again, my shaking becoming violent again. Mikasa's other hand rested on my shoulder. "Calm down," she whispered. "Or should I get Eren…?"

My hands shot out to grip her arms, shaking my head violently. I didn't want Eren to see me like this. I was _stronger _than this, much stronger. Mikasa would understand—she was ranked number one in the trainee group before mine. She would understand why I shouldn't show weakness like this. "Damara," Mikasa murmured. "I know you don't want him to see you like this, but you are his friend now. He would want to help you."

"I…can't…not like this," I choked out. "I can't l-let him see me like this…"

Mikasa sighed. "He'll be unhappy if you don't tell him."

She was right. As hotheaded—and apparently hardheaded—as Eren was, he was protective of those he considered friends and comrades. It would make him upset if he couldn't help. But these night terrors weren't his concern. They were mine.

Mikasa helped me to my feet. "Let's go," she murmured. "You need to rest."

I nodded and let her guide me back inside headquarters, my fingers curled tightly around hers. She was a silent as stone as we walked down the corridors, careful not to wake anyone.

No such luck.

One of the doors opened and walking out, rubbing sleep from his eyes, was the one I flipped today, the one with hair like a muffin. What was his name again?

"Jean." Mikasa's greeting was cool, concise. Ah, that was his name.

"What are you doing out of bed, Mikasa?" Jean asked, dropping his hand before his eyes found me. "Why is Eren's girl with you?"

Eren's girl? Was that what I was?

"Damara had a nightmare," Mikasa answered with a note of finality. She was trying to get me away from one set of skeptical eyes. "She needed some air so I stayed with her. I'm taking her back to her room."

"Isn't that Eren's job? That suicidal bastard has such a freakin' hard-on for her, I figured he'd be the first one trying to help her," said Jean.

"She didn't want Eren to see her having a panic attack, Jean. Her request should be granted, don't you think?" asked Mikasa sharply before she continued to guide me to my room, away from Jean's gaze.

My head was still reeling from his comment about my being Eren's girl. I didn't understand what that meant in context, but Mikasa probably did. I had noticed she tensed when Jean had said that, but not of anger—it was of defense. When we reached my room—my door wide open as I had left it in my panic attack—we froze.

Eren was in my room, his eyes wide with worry before he noticed Mikasa and I in the doorway. "Damara! Where the hell were you?" he asked as he came over to me.

"Needed some air," I whispered the half-lie, hoping I sounded effortless in saying it. "It's fine. Mikasa was with me."

"She had a panic attack, Eren," Mikasa told him and I flinched.

"Why? Was it from the expedition?" Eren asked as his eyes tried to meet mine. I shut them as flashes of the terror I saw behind my lids seared my mind. Being grabbed by the monster…a small child being ripped away from my arms…

The sickening sound of my bones shattering when I died…

_Wait…_**died?**

"Damara!" Eren's voice was sharp with anger and my eyes flew open to meet his turquoise orbs. His hands landed on my shoulders to keep our eyes steady. "What's wrong? You look pale."

"Eren, she needs to sleep. I can stay with her," Mikasa told him softly. Eren shook his head. "I'll stay with her," he replied.

Mikasa nodded. "I'll be in my room if you need me," she said softly before she pried my stiff fingers from her hand gently. "Try and sleep, Damara," she whispered to me before she left my room. Eren let out a sigh before he shut the door.

I climbed into my bed as soon as he turned around. He walked toward me right as I rested my head on my pillow. I felt my bed sink under his weight as he sat down, could feel his eyes on me. I didn't want to sleep yet. I didn't want him to see me thrash from another nightmare.

"Go to sleep," Eren muttered, drawing the blanket over me. "You need rest."

I didn't need him to tell me that. "Eren does too…"

"I need to know that you'll be okay first," Eren told me. "I'll stay all night if I have to."

We stayed silent for the better part of the night. My eyelids started to grow heavy and slowly slid shut, but I was still a bit aware. I felt a warm, calloused hand touch the side of my face, brushing back strands of my hair.

"Are you asleep?" That was the last thing I heard him whisper before blissful sleep drew me into its embrace.

* * *

"We are going to try this again!" Hanji exclaimed. "I'm sure we'll find a stimulant somehow!"

It was morning and we were back outside of HQ, Hanji's energy doubling in its intensity. I sighed before my eyes flickered to Eren. His gaze met mine before he looked away, and I could see the pink hue on his cheeks. When I had woken up, Eren had fallen asleep at the foot of my bed. I had to nudge him awake with my feet before he jerked awake, flushed bright red, and stuttering something or other before leaving my room.

That was the strangest reaction he had ever had around me, but thanks to him the night terrors didn't return.

"Ready, Damara? We'll see if some type of emotion will stimulate your transformation!" Hanji exclaimed loudly. I nodded, exhaling a breath. What we knew was that self-mutilation nor intense pain wasn't a stimulant. What could it be?

"We are going to try something different," Hanji said, a grin stretching across her face. I backed away slightly, feeling a little wary about that grin of hers right now.

"I've noticed that you've grown attached to our Eren," she whispered to me. "Let's see if you transform this way."

I gave her an expression that clearly questioned what she was planning before I heard it. A grunt of pain.

I turned to see Levi dropping his leg and Eren falling to his knees, clutching at his stomach, before Levi kicked him in the face. I gasped and made a move to go to him, but Hanji held me back, her grip on my arm strong. I saw Levi deliver another blow to Eren and I felt it. Each blow was creating a white-hot anger, a bone-deep need to protect him, to tear Levi apart.

White was beginning to cloud my vision as that need crossed my mind.

_Protect him._

* * *

_~Eren's POV~_

The captain stopped delivering blows the minute we heard a roar.

A Titan's roar.

I raised my head to see it. The Titan whose neck we cut Damara out of. It had long, dark hair that reached the ground, pale skin, and frenzied violet eyes. The fingers on its hand though—it wasn't like any Titan's I've ever seen. They were tapered, like knives.

The Titan roared again and I could see rows of sharp fangs before it crouched, its eyes on Levi and me before it moved fast. It growled as it crouched over me, its right set of sharp fingers dug into the hard earth in between Levi and I. Levi gripped his weapons, glaring up at it. I could hear a snarl rip out of it.

_It's not an __**it,**_ my mind told me, _it is __**her**_.

Damara. She transformed when she saw Levi beating the hell out of me. This thing, this Titan, was her—protecting me. It was her.

She roared and made a lunge at Levi, who used his 3DMG to get out of her reach. She wasn't intelligent like how I was when I transformed. She was insane. Bloodthirsty.

A monster…

She would kill the captain if no one restrains her.

I raised my hand to my mouth, my eyes on her as the one purpose came into my mind.

_I have to stop her. _

I bit down on my hand, breaking through the skin and I tasted blood.


	9. Ninth Desire

_Two Titans were tearing at each other's throats, their roars shattering the once peaceful quiet. The other members of the Survey Corps had jumped out of the way of the battling Titans, watching as the long haired Titan sunk her tapered claws into the other Titan's chest, ripping a wide hole into the flesh. The other Titan released a roar of pain before lunging, sinking his teeth into the neck of the screaming, bloodthirsty Titan, tearing the flesh. _

_ Even with torn flesh hanging from her neck, the Titan continued the onslaught, using speed and sharp claws to rip large gashes into the abnormal Titan that was attempting to incapacitate her…_

Wait…that abnormal…

_"Protect him"._

That's right…Eren…I was trying to protect him…

What was I doing…?

_"Protect him."_

_**"I have to stop her."**_

His voice…that was his voice I could hear. Where was I…_what _was I-?

_The screaming Titan was pinned by the abnormal, letting out a final shriek as her head was torn off—_

Air. I took in a breath as my eyes flew open to see…that face.

The face of the Titan who saved me, the Titan that Eren shifted into. Those glowing eyes were fixed on me and I couldn't turn away. I heard something whistle through the air and saw blood spurt from the nape of his neck.

My eyelids felt heavy. Every part of me felt heavy. I couldn't move even if I wanted to.

Vision blurring, I could see Mikasa pulling Eren from the steaming carcass of his Titan form. He looked unconscious. I vaguely heard footsteps run near me and I could see a shock of blond hair and blue eyes in my blurring field of sight. Armin?

"Damara! Hey, are you okay?" he asked, worry in his eyes. He fumbled with something at his side before he pulled out his weapon. He dug into the steaming flesh of my own Titan carcass and my body jolted as a white-hot pain seared me. A scream tore itself from my throat as the pain permeated through my body. I could feel tears stinging at my eyes before they streamed down my face.

Why? Why did removing me from this carcass hurt so much?

I heard the sickening tearing of flesh and then felt arms around me and hauled me out of the steaming carcass.

"Shit, she's practically on fire!" That sounded like Jean. My eyes closed in exhaustion—I didn't want to deal with any wisecracks from him. I felt too weak.

"Hey, Damara? Are you all right?" That was Armin's voice. A hand patted my cheek.

"Is she okay?" I heard another set of footsteps coming toward me before hearing something hit the ground. I forced my burning eyes to open halfway.

Eren and Mikasa were beside Armin, looking at me. Eren's turquoise orbs were burning with concern before his hands reached out to me. I flinched as his fingers brushed against my fevered skin. I felt bruised.

I forced myself to sit upright before dizziness and nausea assaulted me. I felt myself fall forward and arms wrapped around me. I heard Eren hiss under his breath. I saw him raise a hand—

-It was soaked in red.

_My blood…_

"She's not healing!" His voice rose in distress. "Her wounds aren't healing!"

I could hear Hanji speak then. "We need to get her bandaged up before she bleeds out."

My body was swept into the air before I blessedly lost consciousness.

* * *

_So this was death._

_ Seeing the destructions through the eyes of the monster that devoured me, that shattered my bones between its teeth. I forced myself to move, to see if all of my bones were broken. My body seemed too heavy, too sluggish. Why? Why was I moving so slowly?_

_ What was happening?_

_ I felt a burning pain in the back of my neck and this too-large body fell forward. I couldn't move. So much pain…_

My eyes fluttered before I winced from a sharp pain that seared my head. In spite of the pain, I forced my eyes to open. I saw a glimmer of glasses and heard Hanji let out an excited breath of relief. "You're awake! You sure had us worried there!" she told me.

"Ms. Hanji…" I whispered wearily. "What happened…?"

"Well, Armin and Jean cut you out of your Titan body, but you started screaming in pain. The minute you were free, your arms and legs were bleeding. The front of your neck was bleeding too! How are you sustaining injuries from your Titan body to now?" asked Hanji, speaking all in one breath.

My memories felt fragmented worse than before. I raised my hand to rub at my temple before I noticed it was bandaged. I must have done a number on myself.

"Is she awake?!" I jumped when the door to the infirmary flew open and Eren, Armin, Mikasa, Jean, and a few others. Eren was by my side in an instant.

"How are you feeling, Damara?" he asked.

"Weak," I mumbled. "What…happened?"

"You were passed out from the pain," Armin said. "You were bleeding and running a high fever."

Fever. Bleeding. "The e-experiment…worked?" I rasped, my eyes flickering to Hanji.

Hanji grinned in spite of herself. "It did. Right after Levi beat up Eren. I figured that would work!" she said.

That was right. Levi…was attacking Eren. My eyes searched the room and I noticed Levi approach my bedside. I jolted upright in spite of my injuries, my fingers gripping onto Eren's shirt tightly. I glared at Levi, baring my teeth.

"She's got fire in her, the little brat," Levi muttered. "Resent me for beating up Jaeger?"

I snarled in response, a primal rage invading my senses. I jolted again when I felt a hand touch my shoulder. "Damara, it's okay. Captain Levi did what he had to," Eren told me, trying to calm me down. "Don't resent him for it."

I kept my glare steady, my fingers tightening on Eren's shirt. I wasn't appeased by his words; I was far from. My grip on the fabric of Eren's shirt tightened and I was sure my fingertips were about to dig into his skin.

I almost attacked when I felt warmth close over my bandaged hand, holding it gingerly as though it were made of glass. "Damara." Eren's voice was softer and the hold tightened only a bit. "It's okay."

The primal anger inside of me seemed to melt away and my injured fingers curled around his hand. When the last bit of anger left my body, I felt dizzy. I wanted to lay back down on my bed and sleep. So I closed my eyes.

I felt a hand press against my back before I was gently pushed onto my back. The warmth left my back, but I didn't dare open my eyes. I was still so tired from what happened earlier—as hazy as those memories were. The warmth around my hand disappeared, slipping away. But I didn't open my eyes. Not yet. I was still so sleepy…

* * *

_~Eren's POV~_

The bloodlust in Damara seemed to disappear as soon as I took her hand. I told her it was okay, that she'd be okay, because I knew she would be.

"That brat had bloodlust in her eyes." The captain's tone was cold. "I see she resents me."

That was something that bothered me. Damara snarled at the captain and refused to release her grip on me. It was though her mind was still in that fevered state when she was a Titan—and she saw the captain as a danger to me. I looked at her face, noticing how she relaxed, falling back asleep. "Eren," Mikasa whispered. "Something's not right about her transformation. She turned on you in her Titan form without batting an eye."

"She didn't know what she was doing." I hoped I meant those words. "She doesn't know better."

"Defending her?" Jean snorted. "She nearly took her head off, you idiot."

"Shut it, horse face!" I snapped, turning to glare at him. Connie, Sasha, and Historia exchanged glances. I turned to look at Damara and I felt pressure on my hand. Damara's fingers squeezed my hand in her unconsciousness before I let it go.

"Eren. Mikasa's right. Her transformation wasn't like yours. She behaved just…" Armin paused.

"Just?" I pressed.

"Just like a Titan," he finished.

I growled. Damara wasn't a monster. She just couldn't control her power. She wasn't there yet…

"Think you can get anything out of this, shitty glasses?" asked captain Levi.

"It would take a while," Hanji admitted sullenly. "We don't why she's exhibiting these signs or why she's able to be a Titan too. And a strange one at that."

Strange…like her hands in her Titan form. Tapered like knives.

I looked at my comrades and they were wearing the same expression. Something was off about Damara's situation—something different from mine. A possessive knot formed in my stomach. They were persecuting her, like she was a monster.

"I'm gonna stay with her," I announced in a shaking voice, barely holding in my irritation. "I'm the only one she really talks to anyway."

"Taking responsibility for her social growth?" asked captain Levi before he let out a sigh. "Fine then. Keep her from trouble, Jaeger."

I nodded and looked back at Damara, sleeping off the effects of her transformation. She needed me and I was going to be there for her.

* * *

_~Damara's POV~_

When my eyes opened, the room was dark. Night must have fallen.

I turned my head and noticed Eren occupying a chair in the room, his head resting on his arms. I raised my hand and flicked my finger against his temple. He raised his head, his turquoise eyes dim with exhaustion before they flickered to me. "You're awake," he mumbled groggily.

I nodded slowly. "Eren sleepy?" I mumbled back, dropping my hand.

"A little. But I wasn't going to go yet," he said, sitting up. He suddenly had a sheepish look about him. "Uh, how are you feeling?"

I did a self-check. "Better," I breathed, flexing my fingers.

"Are you hungry?"

"No."

Eren frowned. "You gotta get your strength back, Damara."

I nodded. "Just not hungry now."

Silence fell between us for the barest of seconds before Eren sighed loudly, his fingers jamming through his brown hair. "This is bad. You're acting like me, all stubborn."

I smiled in spite of myself. "Bad influence," I said in a chiding tone. Eren noticed my smile before he relaxed. "Are you sure you're not hungry?" he asked, a little softly. I nodded, before I sighed myself. I didn't understand why, but I was so bored. Maybe it was from the sheer intensity of the experiment and the lack of intensity from my recovery. I raised my arm to look at my bandages again. How long was I going to wear them this time?

Eren must've noticed the shift in my mood because his eyes began to glimmer with concern again. "What's wrong?"

I shook my head, dropping my hand. These were just flesh wounds, something that…my mind went hazy. I could hear the snarls and roars, the sound of tearing flesh. But the picture was a complete fog. The only thing that was clear was when the nape of my Titan form's neck was torn open and I could see Eren's Titan form looming over me, those eyes glowing eerily.

They were glowing the same way when I first saw him and it was in such a way that was terrifying, but also…beautiful.

Heat fused in my cheeks at the thought. Maybe that was why I was so drawn to him.

"Damara?" Eren's voice called me back from my travel and I looked at him. His teeth were furrowed into his lower lip, his eyes trained on my neck. My fingers unconsciously pressed against my neck, feeling the cloth of the bandage instead of flesh. Oh.

I sustained injuries inflicted on me in my Titan body. When Eren's teeth tore into my neck and brought me back to consciousness, my neck must have been bleeding heavily. That was why he looked so worried and…remorseful.

"I'm sorry I had to do this to you," he muttered bitterly, his eyes narrowed with self-loathing. "I'm the worst. I thought I was stopping you and I forgot you keep these injuries…"

"Shh." I raised a hand slightly to shush his apologies. I didn't want to hear them. I was enraged and endangered everyone who was there. If Eren hadn't transformed to subdue me, I would have woken up with everyone's blood staining every inch of my skin. "Eren…did what Eren had to."

Eren's lips curled into a wry smile. "Mikasa was right. You're too innocent. You don't see what others see."

I narrowed my eyes. "Not like others."

He sighed. "Damara-"

"Eren is a good person. Why does Eren not see it?" I asked and Eren recoiled, his eyes widening. The seconds of silence was total, not full like our past silences. This made me upset. Had no one told him how good of a person he was? That he wasn't a monster? Had my words really made so much of an impact that would leave this normally loud male speechless?

"Damara, I…" Eren trailed off, his eyes meeting mine, full of frustration now. "You see too much good in this world. This world is cruel and unforgiving with enemies on all fucking sides, don't you get it? This world will crush someone like you!"

Someone like me.

I was a liability. That's what he meant.

I didn't register the tears before I felt them slip down my cheeks and Eren's eyes widened as he realized what he just said. "I…I didn't mean that…" he whispered.

But I shot back upright with a hysterical scream, my hands moving to his chest and shoving him away, as far away as possible. Eren, not expecting my sudden burst of strength, didn't get his guard up in time and ended up sprawling to the floor.

I panted and scrubbed furiously at my eyes to stop my tears from falling. "Go away," I growled. "Go away!"

Eren scrambled to his feet, desperation shining desperately in his eyes as he rushed to be at my side. My hands shot forward to push him away, but this time he was prepared. His left gripped both of my wrists tightly as his right arm wound around me, holding me to him. I struggled in frustration to free myself, but Eren didn't release me. As my energy drained, I found myself leaning against him in exhaustion, panting softly.

"I didn't mean that," he repeated softly, brokenly. "I'm sorry, I didn't mean that the way you took it…"

I wanted him to stop. To stop with saying what he doesn't mean. To stop doubting himself.

He released my wrists and his other arm went around me. "You're my friend, you know that, but it feels like you'll follow me into hell the minute I ask you. I don't want you to fight because I said so. I want you to fight so we can be free, like we deserve to be."

Freedom. Was Eren wanting life outside of the walls? Where there are no Titans to devour us and drive humanity into extinction?

"Allies," I told him firmly. "We are allies. Fight to protect Eren like Eren protect me. Idiot."

A weak chuckle escaped him. "I'm really becoming a bad influence on you."

"I fight to protect Eren. Eren and I are allies. Friends. Right?" I whispered.

"Right." When Eren pulled finally dropped his arms from me and I looked at him, I could see his face turning a brilliant shade of red. Why was he so embarrassed now? I racked my brain. Was it the hug? Why would that do anything?

Eren stood up and reached out to ruffle my hair like before, but backed down. "I'll come see you tomorrow. Maybe you'll have an appetite then, okay?" he asked.

I nodded and he scurried out. Then I shook my head.

Boys are so complicated.


End file.
